I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
