My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
