I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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