I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize