Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
