Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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