I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
