i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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