i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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