The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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