I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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