I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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