we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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