dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
