I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
