i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
