im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
