Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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