if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
