i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Soap is not a condiment
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
