i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
