So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
