I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
