Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
