i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
