so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
