It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
