I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
