I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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