you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ttyl tear gas
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
