Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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