Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
