Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
