This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
