he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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