I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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