She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
