I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
