i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Four minutes until I can fart!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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