A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
