I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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