Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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