He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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