if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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