Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
