hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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