I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
