but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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