I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
