so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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