oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
