Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
