I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will be naked everywhere
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
