i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
two words: eviction party
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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