You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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