I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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