Do you still have your period?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
