I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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