Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
