I'm really into asian looking animals
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
