life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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