haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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