the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
