shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
