I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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