my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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