the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
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I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.