Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now