its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize