he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.