that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
