i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
