Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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