I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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