an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
there is puke in my bra ... again
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