the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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