Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
