I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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