Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
