I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
