I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
