ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
no you cant smoke seaweed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
