i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
