I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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