it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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