Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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